In this post I will provide you with some sensual exercises for couples to practice with your partner. Staying excited in a physical connection with a long-term partner can require some inspiration.
If you’re like most couples, when you and your partner first started dating there was probably a lot of physical excitement. Like a magnet was pulling your bodies to each other.
As time passed, you got more comfortable around each other, and some of the excitement dissipated. The novelty of a new connection slowly wore off. And maybe your sexual life has become mundane, and the magnetism between your bodies has weakened.
You do still enjoy touching each other. Massages sometimes, cuddles, sexual touch every once in a while. But “love” has replaced “sensuality” as the staple of your relationship.
Does this sound at all familiar? If so, read on. If not, but you still want to expand your pallet of sensuality, this article will be great for you too.
Love and sensuality
I’m here to tell you that you can have both your love cake and eat your sensual cake.
It’s beautiful that you and your partner have developed such deep love and comfort for each other. And your sensual connection can be as deep, exploratory, and exciting as it’s ever been.
With some intention and a few new tools, you can spark new life into your sensuality, intimacy, and sexuality with your partner.
While I offer coaching and workshops to support couples with this work, if you sincerely try some of the “sensual exercises for couples” detailed below, I suspect you and your partner will feel a renewed embodied connection.
What is sensuality
Let’s start by defining “sensuality.”
To be sensual is simply to be immersed in one (or more) of your five senses.
Touch, taste, smell, seeing, hearing.
Sensuality is not the same as sexuality
Important! Sensuality need not co-exist with sexuality. In other words, you can be in your senses without experiencing sexual arousal.
So many couples feel pressured to try to force sexual arousal in their connection, to live up to some internalized standard of relationship “success.” But when you try to force sexual connection, it can create pressure. Pressure is the ultimate cock-block / cunt-stunt.
Instead, try focusing on connecting with your partner through your bodies and the five senses. Unlike sexual arousal, which can be fickle, you always have access to your bodily senses.
Pleasure lives in your senses. The more deeply immersed and present you can be in your senses, the more pleasure you can find. There is no limit. And when you invite in sensual pleasure, sometimes sexual pleasure may naturally arise. It’s best not to expect sexual arousal to join the party, but if it does, enjoy their company!
An example of sensuality
Imagine eating an apple.
It’d be easy to just chomp through the apple while daydreaming about Johnny Appleseed, where your apple came from, and why there are so many types of apples.
Now imagine a different scenario where you open all of your senses to the apple.
You first look at the apple deeply. Notice its colorations and hues. Notice its glossy texture and round edges.
Then you smell the apple, letting its tropical fragrance overcome you.
As you get deeper into your senses, your teeth slowly pierce the skin of the apple,then burrow through the crunchy, juicy layer. The sweet, tangy liquids touch your lips. You exhale with deep pleasure, swept up in the sensually ecstatic ride this apple is taking you on.
Finding pleasure through sensuality
You are probably starting to get the picture – sensuality is the gateway to pleasure. You can be sensual by yourself through food, essential oils, bathes, stretching, walking barefoot on the beach, or a mindful masturbation practice.
And you can bring this orientation towards sensuality to your partner. When both your and your partner’s attention are fully on your senses, the possibility for pleasure is limitless!
Recovering the lost art of sensuality
We do not live in a sensual, embodied culture. Western culture lives in the mind. It prioritizes ideas, rationality, and thinking. Often at the expense of feeling. We could go much deeper into the negative impact this imbalance is having on both the earth and “#metoo” victims, but that’s a much broader topic.
Don’t get me wrong – I am a writer and philosopher myself. I love thinking! And – if you only connect to your world and your partner through the mind, you are missing (at least) half of the human experience. The rest is found in the body. In the senses.
The rest of this post contains three exercises to kickstart your own journey into deeper sensuality with your partner. 🙂
Download FREE guided intimacy-meditation for partners below
3 sensual exercises for couples
Sensual exercises for couples, Exercise #1:
Temple of sensual delights
This is based on an event I periodically run, partially inspired by a colleague Greta Jane.
In this exercise you will blindfold your partner, and take them on an exploratory journey through their senses.
First, gather supplies. Some possible ideas:
For taste… Dark chocolate. Raspberries.
For smell… Flowers. Essential oils.
For touch… Feathers. Ice.
Next create a nest of pillows and blankets for your partner to lay down in comfortably.
Then ask them if they have any desires or boundaries for how they want to be engaged with.
Put your partner’s blindfold on them. Start a timer for ten minutes.
Give your partner a sensual smorgasbord! Get creative. Whisper gingerly in their ear. Tease their lips with chocolate. Drip cool water on their chest.
Empower your partner to speak any limits, discomforts, or desires throughout the experience.
The purpose is not to get your partner sexually aroused, but rather to drop them deep into their senses. If either of you do feel aroused throughout this experience, that’s great 😃. And if no sexual energy comes up, that is equally great – the purpose is just to connect sensually.
Afterwards, talk about how it went. And then switch roles.
Sensual exercises for couples, Exercise #2:
Create a 4-song playlist with your partner where you both contribute 2 songs. Make sure both of your songs have a different vibe.
Sit down across from your partner. Sync up your breath. Embrace each other for 10 breaths.
Sit across from each other, and hold eye contact for 10 breaths.
Once you feel attuned, put on your playlist, and engage in a dance of kisses for your 4 songs together.
Let the music weave its way into your makeout. Allow the soundscape to encourage different energies through which to kiss.
Don’t try to force anything to be sexual. Just enjoy the feeling of the kissing, the sound of the music, and the energy between you and your partner. Take pleasure from being present with each other.
If sexuality naturally arises, embrace it. And if it doesn’t, embrace whatever type of beautiful sensual experience you are having.
Sensual exercises for couples, Exercise #3:
Set a timer for 15 minutes.
Sit down across from your partner, knees touching. Sync up your breath. Hold eye contact for 10 breaths.
Once you are attuned, sit on your bottom with your legs crossed (think “criss-cross applesauce”).
Then have your partner sit on your lap. Their chest pressed to your chest, their legs curled behind your lower back. Some traditions call this posture “yab-yum” which translates in Tibetan to “father-mother.” Most tantric teachers will assume a male-female partnership, and in this position will advise the male to be on the bottom. This is outdated thinking, and in reality, it doesn’t matter the gender or biological sex of which partner is on the bottom. Enjoy either way 🤟🏼
Once you are in position, continue to sync up your breath.
Both partners close your eyes. Touch foreheads.
Keep your attention on your synced breath. Lose yourself in the breath. Become a vessel for your breath and your partner’s breath. Make noise if noise wants to be made. Let your bodies move to the music of your breath if they feel called to.
Keep attention on the synced breath between you. Let the breath surface want it wants to surface, and surf the waters together. Your breath may bring up sexual arousal, it may bring up grief, it may bring up anger. It may bring up nothing other than the pleasure of breathing with another person. There’s no “right” experience here. It’s just a sensual exploration with your partner.
Once the timer goes off, share with your partner what that experience was like.
Get into those senses!
Try these activities out with your partner. You might like some more than others.
Remember, sexual, sensual, and embodied connection with a partner need not dwindle over time. There is an infinite amount to explore in your connection. If you continue to bring curiosity, exploration, and new tools to your relationship, there’s no reason it should ever get stale.
Want to get even more connected to your partner?
If you dug this article, I encourage you to try out this 15-minute guided intimacy-meditation for partners. It is an eye-gazing partnered meditation that will open your heart and your desire.
Download FREE guided intimacy-meditation for partners below