A different lens on relationships…
Here’s different take on relationships of any kind.
There’s you. There’s the other person. And then there’s the relationship itself.
Imagine each relationship as a living being in itself. Its own entity.
That’s right Jim Carey! I’m not metaphysically declaring that relationships are actually alive, though it’s a lens that can give you new insight into your relationships and what they need to thrive.
Entertain this with me for a moment.
It’s your job to usher the relationship into what it wants…
Imagine a person in your life – friend, lover, sibling. Now think about your relationship with them. What does it feel like? Does it feel healthy? Do any images come to mind? Could you draw a picture of the relationship in its current state? You might even sit in meditation with (your perception of) the relationship for a minute, and ask it what it wants of you.
Often when artists are working on a book, a painting, or a song, they’ll say that the work of art had its own spirit. It was simply the job of the artist to figure out what the piece wanted to become, and to bring it to life.
What if relationships are the same way? A creative and dynamic enterprise conducted by you and another person. That your job, like the artist, is to show up to the relationship and give it what it needs to evolve as it wants to.
This viewpoint can help you ungrip from expectations
So often our relationships in life (to people, communities, careers, etc) want to change, evolve, and grow. But we are afraid of losing what we have, so we unconsciously strangle them. “Don’t move!”
But taking on this viewpoint — that the relationship is alive and wants to evolve, and that you and your partner are there to usher its development — can give you clarity on how to act and the freedom to unhook from any grippy expectations you may have.
And to be clear, the relationship isn’t a completely independent organism. It is made up of you, your partner, and both of your desires, values, wishes, boundaries, and dreams. To fully honor and communicate yourself in connection is to honor the relationship as well.
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