A reader emailed me because they were trying to parse apart their identity as a man from their “feminine” (or “yin”) personality traits.
First, let’s break apart biological sex (male, female, intersex) from polarity (yang, yin) from gender (man, woman). These are all separate (though related) spectrums/binaries.
Next, a question I’d encourage you to contemplate is: what does it mean to you to be a man?
What does it mean to you to be a man?
We’re never given a clear-cut definition of what it actually means to be a man or woman. So most of us walk around subconsciously emulating Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson or whatever culture jammed in our minds as we grew up.
Lots of people associate being a man with being a protector, provider, or stoic leader.
Someone like David Deida might consider a man to be someone who lives from a deep sense of purpose, “penetrates” life with his presence, and must tend with an innate desire for freedom.
Do either of those definitions resonate with you?
Or maybe you can’t put your finger on why, but you just have an embodied sense of what it feels like to be a man. That’s great too! Roll with it.
Either way, you get to create your own example of what a man looks like, what he values, and how he acts.
I personally found the whole man-woman system to feel contrived, like a repressive script everyone’s trying to follow but no one actually wrote. So I opted to go the non-binary route.
But that’s just me, and you get to find your own answer. Since gender is this culturally invented thing, without objective definitions, it’s on you to create your definition. And the good news is–your definition of “man” can include all the softness, affection, and “yin” qualities you want 🙂
Dig deeper
If you want to dig into this topic further, I wrote an ebook called Beyond Sacred Masculine and Feminine.